Belief over Misery

I'm scared.

Lately, I have been living a life unworthy of the calling I have received. I'm being convicted by God. I guess this is my confession...

For some reason, I feel like I know what's best for me, which is ridiculous because when I walk in God's will he blesses me. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; Jesus comes so I may have life, and have it abundantly! If I know this, then why am I still doing thing's that I probably shouldn't? Don't get me wrong, I'm not participating in some terrible sin that would surprise you, but then again all sins are equal in our Fathers eyes, aren't they? I guess I should stop trying to justify my behavior. I am called to be a light in this world, and currently I am not.

I'm tired of this world. I hate it. I'm tired of waiting. Why can't he just come to rescue us all? I'm done with it all. I'm thankful for the lot in life that the Lord has given me, but how long must we wait? I'm ready for the day when He will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, because the old order of things has passed!

I guess I really need to pray that the plans I have for myself align with what God has in store for me because I keep on getting dissapointed. I just really wish he would take these desires away from me! That would keep me from going off and making my own plans. I'm sure the summer will help. I know it will.

My God is a faithful God. Come and comfort me Lord! I need to feel your presence. Make me believe that you are all I need when I'm surrounded. Be my feast in the presence of enemies! Let Your rod and Your staff comfort me. I'm empty Lord, please fill me!

EDIT

If I claim to love God, then I will follow his commands. I'm either Hot or Cold...not Lukewarm.

I see the Heart of God in His commands. He doesn't give commands to limit my life, but He gives them to direct and guide my life into the joys he has in store for me!

I will try not to push back from His commands. I will accept them as the gift that they are because He loves me!