Friday, December 12, 2008

You've Captured My Heart

Thank you for proving to me that You are everything that you say you are. Oh my Lord, you heard me begging You for mercy. Thank you so much for not letting this semester go to waste! I love you so much.

This semester was tough.
A million things weighed me down.
I was a mistress
I chased after lovers that didn't satisfy
But You helped me find Micah 7:8: Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; Though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me.
It became my battle cry.
Thank you for the scriptures you have given me to memorize
Thank you for helping me cut through deceptions
with the Sword of the Spirit.

I will never stop preaching Your love to myself.

Over and over, day in and day out.....
I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.
I will hide your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word.
Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.
Direct my footsteps according to your word;
let no sin rule over me.

You showed me how much you loved me after I begged you for a sign.
You saw me on my knees begging and crying for you to turn to me, begging you to shine your light on me.
Thank you for giving me the affirmation I was searching for.
Thank you for showing me that You love me in such a tangible way.

You are so beautiful.... I am at a loss for words...

I ALWAYS wanna feel like this. I wish I could bottle up everything that I'm feeling and take a swig of it when I'm weary.

One day I will feel like this for all eternity.

I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Hold My Heart

How long must I pray to You?
How long must I wait for You?
How long until I see Your face shining through?

I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?

One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.

But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain

I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name

Father could You hold my heart?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Psalm 73

I will keep this hidden in my heart so I can remember it when the World tries to pull me in with its affections.

1Surely God is good to Israel,
To those who are pure in heart!
2But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling,
My steps had almost slipped.
3For I was envious of the arrogant
As I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4For there are no pains in their death,
And their body is fat.
5They are not in trouble as other men,
Nor are they plagued like mankind.
6Therefore pride is their necklace;
The garment of violence covers them.
7Their eye bulges from fatness;
The imaginations of their heart run riot.
8They mock and wickedly speak of oppression;
They speak from on high.
9They have set their mouth against the heavens,
And their tongue parades through the earth.
10Therefore his people return to this place,
And waters of abundance are drunk by them.
11They say, "How does God know?
And is there knowledge with the Most High?"
12Behold, these are the wicked;
And always at ease, they have increased in wealth.
13Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
And washed my hands in innocence;
14For I have been stricken all day long
And chastened every morning.
15If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
Behold, I would have betrayed the generation of Your children.
16When I pondered to understand this,
It was troublesome in my sight
17Until I came into the sanctuary of God;
Then I perceived their end.
18Surely You set them in slippery places;
You cast them down to destruction.
19How they are destroyed in a moment!
They are utterly swept away by sudden terrors!
20Like a dream when one awakes,
O Lord, when aroused, You will despise their form.
21When my heart was embittered
And I was pierced within,
22Then I was senseless and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
23Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
24With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.
25Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
26My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
28But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


I'm reading an amazing book called Crazy Love. It's very convicting. I only had a chance to read the first chapter, but I already think it's amazing. I mean really...What do I know about our Lord's Holiness? I know I'm supposed to love Him and set him apart, but why don't I act like it? WHY must I consistently remind myself to have a quiet time or to set aside time to worship him? Why is it not something that I look forward to like watching the latest episode of my favorite tv show? The Lord is better than that! I mean just read Revelation 4:8! The Seraphim angels have to shield their eyes, and their feet from the glory of the Lord! That is the SAME God that I claim to love so why don't I show him the same reverance? I am so ashamed of myself! I wonder if I even act like a Christian. Would people know that I'm a Christian without me telling them?? I need to get my priorities straight. I need Christ to be the center of my life. I'm through with being disrespectful towards my King. From now on I will try my hardest to be a living sacrifice. I only hope that my life reflects that.

I read some scripture in Revelation in a new and awesome way, but I didn't completely understand it. I looked up several translations to see if that would help but I'm still not completely sure I understand. I put in bold and italicized the verses that I haven't quite grasped.

8 And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all round and within, and day and night they never cease to sing, "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!" 9 And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives for ever and ever, 10 the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever; they cast their crowns before the throne, singing, 11 "Worthy art thou, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for thou didst create all things, and by thy will they existed and were created." (Rev. 4:8-11)

Does this mean that whenever I give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord there are 24 elders who cast their crowns and also praise the Lord? It seems to me that if this is the case then they will ALWAYS be doing that because I would like to think that at any given moment their is always someone giving praise to the Lord.

11 Then I looked, and I heard around the throne and the living creatures and the elders the voice of many angels, numbering myriads of myriads and thousands of thousands, 12 saying with a loud voice, "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and might and honor and glory and blessing!"

Is this referring to the future? Did he see the day when we will all surround the throne of God and praise him?

Hopefully, I'll be able to share the other things that this book is teaching me. I'll leave you with the lyrics of 2 songs that I heard during my worship time that convicted me as well. I confess my sins of making the Lord to0 small and thinking that i had him all figured out! I was so wrong.

Beg- Shane and Shane

Here I am
One more day of not
Loving Him the way He asks
In fact my heart is singing praises to the things
that make me feel alright

So I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should
And on the way down
I’ve done what I could
To try and try to turn this stone to flesh

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

So I beg for you to move
I beg for you to move
I beg for you to break through

So here I am
Got my deeds for the day
All my cute little words about
How I am saved
Am I saved?

Could I love you with my mouth like a church kid should
At the end of the day
My words get burned as wood
Oh, but I was good.

I’m haunted by my God
Who has the right to ask me
What by the nature of my rebellion
I cannot give.

These songs are noise
In your ears
A clanging drum
You want my love

What do I know of Holy? Addison Road

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Monday, December 1, 2008


By nature I've always been a scaredey (sp) cat. I actually think it's helped me more than hurt me haha....but anyways that's not really the point of this post.

On Thanksgiving Day, I drove to Angleton to visit my grandparents and my aunts, and because I’m currently taking an upper level Texas History course I thought it would be cool to visit the grave of Stephen F. Austin (the Father of Texas). I finally convinced some people to go with me at around 6pm which I now regret! While we were at the cemetery we took some pictures and I kid you not when I say there were some weird images in the photos when we looked at them later that evening. You can see the face of a man in a window AND there is person right next to my Aunt Rosa which was NOT there when I took the photo! Even typing this out is really creeping me out =/

That same night my 9 year old cousin Gigi confided in me and told me that she sees a ghost named Jew and he makes her do things that she doesn’t want to do. It really scared me and I asked her if I could pray for her cuz I really felt like I needed to and then I asked her if she knew about Jesus. She said that she did and when she talked to Jew about Jesus the ghost would leave her alone. The only useful advice that I could think of telling her was to rebuke him in the name of Jesus and she told me that she would. I talked to her Mom about the conversation I had with Gigi and she said that she’s unsure if this is really happening or if she’s making it up but doors open and close on their own in her house and other weird paranormal type stuff.

Ever since Thanksgiving I’ve been really scared to go to bed. I guess it would be safe to say that I’ve been afraid of the dark! However, when I do get scared I pray and I do rebuke the fear. I also remembered that scripture can be used as a sword so I’ve been trying to memorize:

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

So really the point of this blog is do you think I’m just being a scardey cat and none of this is real or can this be from the evil one?

I’m not sure what I can do for Gigi except pray….